My Status as a Celebrity (Non)Blogger

I think my status as a Celebrity (Non)Blogger may have jumped up a notch: I was selected as a recipient of a pair of tickets to the Michael Jackson Memorial Service at the STAPLES Center. However, I'm still not a typical celebrity blogger. For the most part, I don't give a stuff about celebrities or their sundry and sordid activities. I'm a bit of a geek (as my other posts pretty much scream), but I'm also a fiscal Conservative, and a political Libertarian, and love the idea of a Free Market. Plus, attending will mean missing work, and driving. Now, because of this Capitalistic entrepreneurial spirit, and a dash of naivete, I expected to be able to sell the tickets through eBay or craigslist, and come out a little ahead. While I might have guessed that the more homoginized eBay would shy away from allowing auctions, but I didn't count on a communal fascism by the moderators of craigslist. I really wasn't surprised when eBay pulled my posting, and informed me they were not permitting sales of any of the various forms in which the tickets may be transacted on a secondary market. They're a corporation, and have consistently followed their own not-dissimilar precedents in previous cases. I was taken by surprise when I had an initial post taken down by craigslist first thing this morning. I assumed at first that somebody had decided I couldn't possibly have the tickets in-hand yet (which was correct), or that since I had listed a price of $1000, the posting triggered someone's anti-scalping radar. Later, after I had the tickets, and had found a dozen other postings for tickets, I tried again. Again, within 15 minutes, they pulled my posting again. This time, I decided to investigate the moderator forums to see if there another user had posted something there about having a Michael Jackson Memorial ticket posting taken down. Eventually, after wading through a surprising amount of bitching and whining by users who couldn't figure out why their posts for massage therapist services or job offers were taken down, I found a post about someone in similar circumstances. This is when I discovered that craigslist was not the anarchist's utopia. In this communal moderator's orgy was a fascism that I never would have suspected from a group of people so easily imagined as a modern hippie commune. The group doesn't allow postings that establish or imply competitions or auctions; in the recent light of the crackdown on "adult services" and singles ads that made people associate craigslist with the sleazier dregs of society, they are more sensitive about ads that might use language "suggestive" of these "adult services". One of the ads flagged for closure, and suspected of degrading of the site's reputation, had offered an extra ticket to anyone who could write a couple lines showing "what they were willing to do" to attend the memorial, despite giving examples of feats such as writing a poem, or singing a Michael Jackson song, etc.

Anyway, I have severly digressed. At this pont, I am fully planning on attending the service. The tickets are too good not to. (They're on the Club/Premiere Level, right by where I can logically presume the stage will be.) Plus, all-in-all, I still grew up on his music, and the music of several of the announced performers. But, I also still have an extra ticket, and unused wristband. I am declaring them up for bid. If there is anyone interested, please post a comment here, and we can arrange to meet at a Starbucks somewhere near STAPLES Center prior to the event tomorrow.

I thought I'd post my pirate name...

 

    My pirate name is:

    

 

    Iron Morty Vane    

  

 

    A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way.    Arr!

    

  Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

  

Twittering with the Geeks

I recently watched the "I Am a Geek" video put out by the Society for Geek Advancement. Since I expect my audience is intelligent (I know it is, because at this time, my audience consists of Me), I won't insult anyone's intelligence by putting links everywhere for the video. To make sure it doesn't get lost in the fathomless archives of expired content in them thar "inter-tubes" I will probably post with the video imbedded. When I do, I will include a link to Wil Wheaton's blog post about it, and the subsequent discussion by his audience. I actually found it all pretty interesting. I also found myself doing my best emotional/intellectual impression of Charlie Brown: "Yeah, that's right. The video pandered to us!" "Oh, that's a good point. We're being elitist by critcizing them." "Yeah, you're right, too: we're all geeks in our own way." "But you're right, as well: this is just publicity seeking." "OK, you've got a point. It might be genuine; who are we to judge?" ad nauseum...

Anyway, I watched the video after reading Wil's post, and all his comments. The only part I was really offended by was when someone (and if I was the "right kind" of geek, I'd have recognized him, and be able to recall who he was off the top of my head) said, in reference to D&D and Magic: The Gathering, "But they look really fun." He said it in a very condescending tone that one can only truly understand when they've heard it and been on the receiving end of it for years. That douche-nozzle really was the only part that truly bothered me. I've seen That Guy before. I've met That Guy before. I hate That Guy. I've been That Guy, and that's what makes me feel the worst: he looks at people he sees as "Geekier" than him, and thinks he's cool, even if he's only cooler than "some Geeks". Yeah, that was a cheap shot from the Jock-tionary, and I feel appropriately dirty for it. Don't worry, I'm atoning: I'm watching Reaper and Mythbusters on my DVR, while typing this post in one of two open browsers, each with multiple open tabs, and neither of which is Internet Explorer. And I will be listening to Geek-centric podcasts on my commute (things like GeekSpeak, Geek Survival Guide, All Games Considered, On Board Games, How Stuff Works, Geek Acres, etc.)

The true point of this post was to share something that I found in my Twitter feed. Wired.com published an article on their site informing people of their top 100 Geeks to follow on Twitter. I was pleased to see that I was already following at least 10 of them via my own discovery. But I was also really excited about all the others that I discovered in there. I followed everyone that was listed as Contributors of the "I Am a Geek" video, fully intending to cull the herd as I decided which ones were worth continuing to follow. Most of the contributors are in the media, but a lot of them are in the Geek Media, and are the initiators and creators of their outlets.

Anyway, here's the link to the article: Wired.com's 100 Geeks you Should Be Following On Twitter

It's not an entertaining article, so don't expect the barrel of laughs I provide here... erm - yeah. So, anyway. That's all.

Update!

Well, I wouldn't be much of a "celebrity blogger", or even a "twitter blogger" if I didn't keep my fans posted on updates.

Despite my suspicions and what I felt was ironclad evidence to the contrary, Valebrity has validated Melissa Gilbert and Kirstie Alley on Twitter.  Maybe the only evidence we will need in the future is if I think it's clear that someone is a fake.  Heck, I thought that the original digital Laser Discs could never be replaced by something as small as a CD, and still give as good of quality. Boy, did I look like a fool a year later.  With that kind of track record, if I'd been old enough, I probably would have backed Betamax. The only reason I avoided embarrassment with BluRay vs. HD-DVD, is because I never picked a side, and "Format War II: Sony's Revenge" didn't last long enough to force me to. It was partly strategic: I didn't want to pick the wrong side again, and look just as stupid as with the Laser Disc vs. DVD issue. At least that never got high enough on the radar to even be considered a format war. It was more of a brief genocide, culminating in full obliteration. None of the other formats were even aware of it. No sanctions were issued, or reprisals or reparations demanded. It was quick and clean, almost surgical.  At least I wasn't in a position to buy a Laser Disc player. Then I really would have looked like an idiot. Unlike now, when I'm writing about celebrity validations on Twitter...I feel sick. 

My detective hat is on!

For those who like to follow celebrities on Twitter, the validity of that celebrity's identity is crucial: if it's an imposter, you're just one of the gullible masses, but if it's genuine, you feel like you're getting a secret, inside glimpse of their glamorous life.  Anytime a celebrity appears on Twitter, it quickly becomes a race to find out if they're authentic.  Recently, Ben Jones (@benjonesdj) was interviewing Hugh Jackman (who confirmed he's the genuine twitter article: @realhughjackman).  Ben told Hugh that he was following someone called @Seth_Rogen who was pimping out Seth's latest movie Observe and Report, but Seth Rogen revealed in an interview (listen here) that he isn't using the service.  The celebrity validation game is big enough that websites have popped up to help reassure people that they're not gullible losers.  The most reputable is Valebrity. Their website is http://valebrity.com. They also have a Twitter profile, naturally: @valebrity.

Anyway, enough "hard journalism": during the past 24-48 hours, Kirstie Alley and Melissa Gilbert (currently listed as @KirstieAlley and @MelissaEGilbert) have been Tweeting back and forth incessantly about everything!  Yesterday started with the alleged Kirstie Alley lambasting Harvey Levin (@HarveyLevinTMZ) and TMZ (@TMZ), and asking for help from her Tweeps finishing a colorful idiom: "YOU ARE NOT A LAWYER, YOU ARE A ____".  The alleged Melissa chimed in with "liar" (who knows if she meant this as a reference to the similar line from the Jim Carrey movie Liar, Liar, or not).  The winning entry was someone offering the "C" word.  Yes, that "C" word.

Later the Alleged Miss K tweeted responses that she was genuine.  She even promised updated pictures that would show her to be authentic.  However, rather than posting "twitpics", she seemed to just be updating her profile pic. The current pic (you'll see it when you click on her profile link) is an obvious fake.  The poor lighting and bad resolution made it obvious enough, imo, but the supposed writing on the note, when viewed larger, is clearly digital pen work in some kind of editing program like MS Paint, or Adobe PhotoShop.

Now, finally, to the reason I'm writing this: A genuine celebrity Emma Kennedy (she's a British author, but she's real, and really her: @EmmaK67) has been on top of the mad Tweeting between these two Surreal Life "Wish List" candidates.  She has been urging the Alleged Miss K to validate herself with Valebrity, to no avail, so far (which I take as further evidence of her fraudulent status).  She also declared that she needed a Huggy Bear to do some snooping.  This is where I come in!  I volunteered, and due to my geographically advantageous position (ie, I live in California, and she lives in England), she recruited me.

Let it be known, far and wide, that I am on the case! During my non-working hours, I will be doing my best to solve this case.  Right now, my efforts are focused on Miss K.  She seems the most likely candidate to be fake, and the easiest to confirm.

I have placed a call to her agent, Scott Henderson at William Morris.  I am waiting for a return call. I am hopeful, but I'm also an incurable optimist, so we'll see.  I have also placed a call to Miss M's agent, Erwin Moore (also with William Morris).  OK, this was done live, and it turns out that Melissa is no longer represented by Mr. Moore. I am now calling Scott Henderson's office back.

It's ringing. Voicemail!  Curses...well, now it's a waiting game. I have to get ready to go to work.

More Geekery

I've decided to post a couple more pictures that I need a URL for. I play a free MMORPG called Runes of Magic. These are my characters:
Shorok, Level 7 Barbarian:


Harald Big Paw, Level 11 Warrior:

Geeky creativity, Part Deux

My obsessive-compulsive mind wouldn't let the Geek Speak Magic card-thing go. Here are four more that I created:


Again, I am not going to go to the effort of explaining the inside jokes. No one actually reads this page but me, anyway, so I already get them. If, by some bizarre twist of fate, someone else reads this, and, equally bizarrely, wants to know what the jokes mean, they can contact me, or they can get hold of old episodes at http://www.geekspeakradio.us.
I use this refusal to pander to an audience (and the non-existence of the same) as evidence that this is not a blog.

My Geeky Creativity

I listen to a podcast called "Geek Speak Radio". Recently they had a special episode about launching a new Magic: The Gathering(TM) card set. They asked the listeners to design cards based on aspects of the show. These are the ones that I came up with. I will not attempt to explain the inside jokes. Feel free to find old episodes in their archive at "http://www.geekspeakradio.us".


























And just because I have used this space to post some form of personal artwork, it does not make this a blog.

The Worst-Written Recipe in the World

This is a recipe that my wife shared with me from work.  It is intended to go into a newsletter for their employees (sorry...associates).  Most of them are warehouse workers by trade, relatively young, and very urban.  By this I merely mean that they all live in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, or San Bernardino counties in southern California, in very densely populated areas, with all the gustatory conveniences their entire lives, and an hour-long commute every day, which tends not to skew towards a lot of home cooking, and more towards buying heat-and-eat, or ready-to-eat foods, or fast food.

Anyway, the recipe in question does not favor anyone who doesn't cook a lot, nor does it favor anyone who is used to following typical recipes.  It also doesn't sound like it favors anyone with good taste, or taste buds at all.

Enough suspense.  Here it is, verbatim, no edits, no alterations:

**************************************

Artichoke Dip

1 cup mayo

1 cup sour cream

1 8oz pk cream cheese

1 tall can artichoke hearts (I am not sure the ounces).

1/2 cup parmesan cheese (powdered)

1/2 cup mozzarella cheese (I don't really measure this).

Garlic salt to taste

Dill to taste

1 loaf of fresh bread cut up per batch.  (You can buy the baguettes at Albertsons bakery and they will slice them for you)

This will make one batch.  I made two batches for the luncheon.

Mix mayo, sour cream, cream cheese together.

Chop up artichoke hearts. If whole in fours (You can find quarters at Albertson's which means less chopping).

Add artichokes to above ingredients.

Add Cheese and seasoning.

Put in un-greased baking dish add more fresh mozzarella cheese and seasoning to top.  Cover with foil.

Bake 30 minutes on 400 or uncover and bake an additional 10-15 minutes until golden.

**********************************************************

I made sure to separate the recipe from my comments with the stars and to change the font so that there would be no mistaking anything in the recipe for my words.  All the parenthetical statements in the ingredients were included by the author.  As for the comments about Albertsons, this person is not an employee or representative of said chain.  It is likely that they used to work for them, because CVS bought part of that company a few years ago.  For that, I may be able to overlook that residual pseudo company loyalty.  As a former Albertsons employee (sorry...associate), I can speak from experience, they were very forceful about encouraging their employees (mm-hm...sorry, again...associates - the shock-therapy sessions are very persuasive, and persistent) to be loyal to the stores, even to the detriment of their personal budgetary challenges.

I question the logic of any recipe that involves baking the dish including instructions to season "to taste".  Are you supposed to know it's properly seasoned by tasting it raw?  Or do they expect you to season it according to a gut feeling for what your taste buds will approve of, and then check it when it's done baking, and adjust as necessary?  This presents a bit of a challenge, because the instructions tell you to put the dill and garlic salt (my comment on that to follow...) on top of the casserole with the cheese.  Did the author not consider that the seasoning might not need to be "to taste" if they mixed it in to the dip?  It's amazing what a little integration will do for seasoning a dish!  I'd hate to try this person's lasagna or stroganoff.  I bet they make an OK sandwich, though.  Except for tuna, egg, or chicken salad...those would probably be a lump of protein with the mustard and mayo globbed on top, and sprinkled with salt and assorted spices.  And why would you use garlic salt?  Fresh garlic is not hard or expensive to acquire, or prepare, and taste a whole lot better that garlic salt.  And on that vein, why would anyone choose to use powdered parmesan cheese?  I guess if you were out of cheese, and you had some packets left over from the last pizza delivery, you could substitute in a pinch.  I can't fault anyone for emergency substitutions.  That would just be rude.

Ii is also left to the assumption of the attempted cook that the cream cheese should be softened first, but no effort to inform them.  Why waste time doing anyone any favors?  I mean, what did this recipe-leeching mooch do for the person who wrote it?  And it is inexcusable to not give the can size for the artichoke hearts.  I am sure their co-worker would have been fine waiting a day to get the recipe in order to get it accurately, and not so vague.  

Now, the baking instructions: can you tell me what size of baking dish?  I have at least three completely differently-sized baking dishes.  It would be nice to know ahead of time which one I need to make sure is clean and ready to go.  And if someone followed these instructions, as written, and decided to bake theirs uncovered, they would bake it for 40-45 minutes, uncovered.  That "or" is very poorly placed.

Finally, "this will make one batch".  Really?  One batch?  You don't say.  How many batches does any recipe make?  By definition, any recipe followed as-written will produce one batch of whatever is being made!  That's what a batch is.  What most people need to know is How big is the batch?

Phew  I feel better.